Did you know that many perfectionists organize by piles? They don’t finish projects. They wrongly believe that someday they will be perfect, so they don’t even start. Perfectionist parents do real harm to their kids. Are you one?
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Andrea’s Story
Andrea grew up in a home that was focused on quality and carefulness. This led her to being a perfectionist. Andrea didn’t know she was perfectionist, because she believed her piles and unfinished projects meantotherwise. Yet, those are the telltale signs. Andrea didn’t finish her projects, because she was avoiding criticism about her completed project.
High is Good. Perfect is Bad.
We want to have high expectations for our kids, not a perfection standard. Perfection leaves you or your kids feeling bad. Avoid using evaluation and criticism when talking with your kids.
How to Spot Your Perfectionist Tendency
A perfectionist grew up under parents with a critical eye. They often delay finishing projects because they want to avoid being criticized. If someone does criticize them, they overreact to their comments. When perfectionists do not reach their goals, they become dissatisfied. Perfectionists often use piles for their organizational system, therefore avoiding finishing and being criticized.
Use Encouragement
Your kids need your encouragement, not reward or praise. To use encouragement with your kids try saying, “It must make you feel good to do _____________.”
Perfectionist Lie
The perfectionist lie is that someday I will be good enough. You will work yourself to death trying to achieve an unrealistic goal. High goals are good. Unrealistic goals are destructive.
Don’t try to improve what your kids have already done. Accept what they have done as it is.
Your Words are Super Powerful
Beware of the words you use because they will greatly impact your relationship with your kids. You get to choose the words.
Action Steps to Overcome Your Perfectionist Parenting
- Realize your perfectionist tendencies. The closer one’s ideal self is to one’s real self, the happier that person will be. Set realistic goals.
- Don’t “should” on your child. Don’t compare them to others. Accept them as they are.
- Physically hug and kiss them a lot.
- Watch the critical tongue. When you mess up, say, “I misspoke and I am sorry.”
- Be fun and enjoy your kids.
Parenting Tip/ Pocket Answer
Perfection is slow suicide.
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