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My kids are master manipulators. This proves it. We have an above ground pool. I asked one of the kids to oversee getting it cleaned and put away for the season. After a few minutes, the kid asked me to come over and “inspect” the work. Old Doug would have gone over there and started to help find the missed spots and correct or simply jump in and take over. Instead, I told them they can handle it and walked into the house. Guess What? They waited 2 minutes and got their mother out there to finish the project. She eventually was sucked into finishing it with them. Stinkers!!

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What does it mean to keep the tennis ball of life in their court?

When your kids say, “Mom, where are my shoes?”, they just hit the tennis ball of life into your court. They have been successful for years in getting you to do their work for them.

How do you respond?

Use humor or a gentle tone to say that it is their responsibility to find their shoes. You can say, “I bet you’ll find those shoes before they get too small for you to wear.” You can lovingly suggest they look in the dog house or other spots around the house.

What type of responses should we avoid?

Beware of a harsh tone that bring the hammer down on the kids. Avoid the, “you are so dumb that you can’t find them.” Also avoid 20 questions, like: did you look under your bed? did you look in the garage? did you, did you, did you? etc.

How do we know when to help and when to let them learn?

Knowing when to help is an art. You need to be an expert at reading your kids and knowing when they are manipulating you and when they really do need your help.

What are the first steps for a parent that has allowed this for years?

  1. The kids will keep coming at you.
  2. Say to yourself, “Uh Oh. This is a test. What does old self say and do? Now, what is new self going to say and do? Choose to act differently.
  3. The kid will react to push your guilt button or work you over.
  4. Say to them, “I’m sure you can handle it honey.”
  5. Give them confidence that they can handle it.
  6. Be firm. Don’t cave to their pressure.
  7. Remember, it is their issue.

Parenting Tip/ Pocket Answer

Keep the Tennis Ball of Life in Their Court

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