“We have told our 16 year old daughter that she is not allowed to date a boy that she has continually gotten into trouble with” starts today’s question for Dr. Leman. Hear his answer on relationships in this episode.
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Question:
From: Christy
Subject: Boyfriend Troubles
We have told our 16 year old daughter that she is not allowed to date a boy that she has continually gotten into trouble with. My daughter is in JROTC with this boy at her high school and continues to see him before and after school at JROTC Athletic practices and JROTC volunteer events and we let her attend a birthday party recently where he was also a guest. She is an A student, responsible at home with chores and very driven in all she does. However, she has become increasingly disrespectful towards my husband and myself. My friends say we are sending her mixed messages and we should pull her out of any sports or JROTC get togethers that this boy will also attend because she continues to be “friends” with him. Also, I haven’t let her get her license yet because of her past behavior. Do you think we should wait until she no longer associates with this boy to let her have her license and should we pull her out of her after school activities? I have two younger daughters and don’t want her disrespect for us to rub off on them.
Answer:
- You can’t pick your kid’s friends.
- If that were Dr. Leman’s daughters, he’d have that kid over to their house every chance he got.
- If you try to control your daughter, she is going to get mouthy and rebel.
- Questions to ask yourself:
- Are you proud of your relationship with your daughter?
- Do I have a trusting relationship with her?
- Do I talk at her or listen to her?
- Do I ask her for her opinion?
- Do I really know my daughter?
- Don’t ask her questions.
- Focus on your relationship with her.
- You will drive her underground, if you keep this power struggle going.
- If you want to change your relationship, change your words.
- Don’t tolerate the disrespectful words.
- Work on a real relationship. Let her know you care by listening to her.
- If you think there is real trouble then:
- Follow your nose/ gut.
- If your child is at risk, for sure jump in and be the parent.
- If your child is in danger, you are to protect them.
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