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084: Disability Child & Chores; Hits Anything that Moves (Ask Leman 33)

January 20, 2015 October 2nd, 2017

What do you do if one of your kids has a disability? Do you change the rules to match their ability? How do you treat them in relation to the other kids?

Do you have a kid that hits anything that moves? Are you fed up and have no idea how to stop it?

Dr Leman shares his answers with his usual wit and wisdom. Enjoy this episode.

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Question #1 (Audio)

From: Hedra in Flekke Fjord, Norway (If interested, here is Fleeke via google maps-Click HERE.)

My oldest child has a learning disability and can’t do as much as the middle child. What do I do about allowance? Do I give the older child more, because they are the oldest? Or do I give the middle child more, because he is doing more?

Dr Leman’s Answer:

  1. Kids don’t get paid for doing work around the house.
  2. They do work around the house, because they are part of the family. Not for pay.
  3. Allowance is the recreation part of the family budget. Pay them an allowance from the allowance part of your budget.
  4. Grant the birth right to the oldest or elder privileges, like letting them stay up later.
  5. Yes, give more to the older child. Why? They are the older. This isn’t about quantity of work. This is about each person giving back to the family at their level.
  6. Kids can do extra work around the house to get paid.

Question 2

From: Katie-Lee
Subject: Toddler who Hits All the Time

Message:
Hi Dr. Kevin,
I have enjoyed your podcasts so much, they have really given us great ideas and guidelines as we parent our kids.

We are just at the beginning of having to deal with our oldest child, who is now 20 months old. About 6 or so months ago, he started to hit when he got mad or something didn’t go his way. Now he hits us all the time (and he can hit HARD!), whenever he gets mad about something. We have tried everything we can think of, but I really have no idea how to get him to stop. It’s embarrassing, especially if he does it in public.

I would love some advice on what we can do to get this behaviour to stop!

Thank you,
Katie

Dr Leman’s Answer:

  1. You are the adult. Why do you allow him to do this?
  2. Next time there is an issue,
  • You wrap your arms around the child, so they can’t hit you.
  • Put him in the playpen or his room.
  • Close the door and keep it closed.
  • Don’t say anything.
  • Once he calms down or enough time has passed bring him out.
  1. You show him by your actions that you are displeased.
  2. This kid is learning to be a powerful child by allowing him to hit others.
  3. Don’t reward the explosive nature of this child.

Parenting Tip/ Pocket Answer

You are the parent. Why do you allow this to happen?

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